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Darkthes
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Interests: Thinking of all sorts of things, reasoning with my self on whether I should tie my shoes now or later, looking for bugs in the street, bothering myself with my belly-aching bickerings, The Yellow Monkey, Heesey With Dudes, Yoshii Lovinson, Drums (finally something normal!)
Expertise: Bothering myself with my belly-aching bickerings, Brain Damage
Occupation: Advertising
Industry: Media
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
8/31/2002
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| Been busy lately. I'm not sure if I'm lucky or not, as the most crucial moment of her sickness, my boss was not in HK. You can never imagine the complex feeling when your very close friend lost her memory and asks "Who're you? You're getting married? Congratulations!" (And she said Congratulations cuz her friends told her to, in a way of making her talk to me). When she finally remembered me at 3AM that night, I burst into tears. We all burst into tears, but I don't know why.
Finally, she's leaving hospital on Friday (today), but the fee was enormous (mostly from the life support, then it was the suite room she stayed in). It's a relief... she said they charged her 15 SGD (around 11 USD) for a box of Kleenex, and she asked if she bought the same brand same name Kleenex and give it back to them, could they waive the charge? She's so cute XD
For me, I found that for the past several several months, almost 6 months, and at the end of each of these 6 months, I've been thinking about the same thing over and over again... money =_=;;;;;;;;;;;;
I'm not sure where my money went... neither do I know how I survived....but I've got a lot of help from my family and canon. Thanks~~~~
Major events next month: Nov 17-go to court: OUR ENTIRE VILLA 2ND FLOOR RESIDENTS ARE SUED!!!! Because we built a "glass shelter house" on our roof, which is illegal. However, all our neighbors and almost ALL THE VILLAGE ppl does it. Apparently, we offended "somebody", who hates the "village elder" of our part of the land, so now "somebody" filed a complaint to the government stating we have built that illegal thing on our roof. I'm certain it's an eye soar.... Troublesom ~_~;;;;;;
Nov 18: GWO DAI LAI!!!!!!! It's the chinese custom of when the male family takes the "presents" to the female's family to thank her parents to let her daughter be married to the guy. Then the girl's family needs to give them half the stuff back, as in "returning the gift/kindness". I wonder how it's like, I've never been to this kind of stuff before.
Need to take 2 days off :P It's funny how life is sometimes...
Sleepy...I don't know how Annie can write his blog at 12~3 AM without serious dark circles, altho he's got some heavy loaded bags...hehe | | |
| After standing dumbfound for what, 3? 4 minutes? I broke down and cried. You cannot leave me, after all this year, after all the things we've said to each other. You promised, and you forgot, you would send me stuff. You have a future, you cannot just leave like that! Why? This is not suppose to happen!
I knelt on the hard floor. Is it marble? Or a mixture of stone and rocks? It was hard, and suddenly I felt empty of emotion again. I just knelt there with the water pouring on me. It's cooler down on the floor. slowly i stood up, and just stood there for another minute. maybe more, I don't know. then I remember, yes, I should be putting on shampoo.
I did so, with momentary pauses of what, 15 or 30 seconds? a minute? I don't know, I feel nothing and my entire body seems like a blank.
yes, rinse, the water is for that. I looked at my hands. i studied my hands. they look different. they don't look like my hands. they're long and the fingers are round, like tubes. thin tubes. i studied my hands for a long time. they look like they have switched places between left and right. they're floating in mid air. my hands are strange.
ye, a second shampoo. it's suppose to be habitual, for cleaner hair. again, the momentary pauses. i don't "exists". i am a statue, that's how blank I am.
rinse, againnnnn. yes, this time I can feel the shampoo rolling down my shoulders, my back, they feel like a warm snake. but my hands, i studied my hands again. they float in mid air, but this time they look more like right hand and left hand. but they still don't look like my hands.
soap, after standing for another minute or more, need soap. that's why i'm in the shower. but that's not suppose to happen, you're not suppose to leave! a whole year, have you forgotten? You've been through so much, you can't let this get in your way!
cried again, with soap and no water. it was cold, but i didn't feel it. no, she's not suppose to leave, that's not how it should be! ajkmz | | |
| It has been a long time, a long dispute, between my brother (Sil for short) and his GF. Something bad always happen at the time when things seems to be a little better. And things keeps going worst and worst.
Around a year ago, his GF had an accident, and it seems from that accident it affected her. Today, she was admitted to the hospital for a surgery. Just a while ago, Sil got an email from her friend saying (or so he told me) "The operation was not successful." He, red eyes, came into my room and told me that. He hoped that I could tell him what the operation was about, but unfortunately his GF didn't tell me neither.
One might wonder, if she's his GF, why didn't she tell him? And that's the thing--she's somewhat is and isn't his GF, and I've been talking to both of them through this year, understanding both sides of the story and sort of easing the situation. Evens so, things always happen, and it just gets worst, time and time again.
But this time, now, when Sil told me, I felt like suddenly something inside me got disconnected. I felt nothing, just surprised and cannot believe. I don't know how to react, and gave nothing but a "what?". Now my heart feels like it's in tangles, but strangely I feel I can carry on as if nothing happened.
I don't understand what's going on inside me, why it seems like I'm so cold blooded? I don't know what reaction to give...is it because of the "crisis management" we always have: "When crisis arrives, put emotions aside"? I don't know...my heart feels like it's entangled, and my head kind of hurts, I don't know what's happening.
Meanwhile, Sil's breaking down, infront of mom. He can barely speak. Mom told him to sleep first, and we'll think of what to do tomorrow. All this time, I can only look at siu muck like a stone. | | |
| Was not as long as I thought, surprisingly to me. It's been a long time I wrote here, maybe because I don't feel the need to speak out to a computer anymore (haha). It's fun, actually, reading all the previous posts (what a depressive child this is, huh?).
Relationship problem, everyone has them. Some ppl can't let go, some ppl can't put it down. Everybody claims they're hurt, but in many ways they just couldn't see beyond their noses, shooting accusations towards one another, owing one another. Every night, I see someone depressed and frustrated. He didn't know what he did wrong, but the accusations hurt so much that he didn't think he's "that" wrong.
Such, is the game of love, like monopoly. Investment, fine, penalty, go to jail... Sometimes you see the trap, sometimes you aren't lucky enough. You lose all your "assets" and ppl keep asking you for more. But you cannot bankrupt love, and there's never enough love for everyone, if everyone thinks their heart is half empty--all the time (maybe deprived, even).
Seeing back, I'm surprised what this "cyber space" has taught me, more than any real life experience did. I learnt insane amount of patient, open ear (altho now my mouth speaks before I hear, but I prevent that as much as possible), look further, understand deeper... I know, that's not everything, but I try as much as I can.
Kazuya was write: we have 108 problems in our lives. Men, women, money, family, love, food, and so on and so forth. Everything has to be thought of, some more important than others. I'm already seeing some ppl mis-prioritizing their problems, really just sweating the small stuff. It's not that they're not worth sweating over, if that's all you wanna do in life, but at the same time you see your life pass by, day by day, week by week, month by month, and you're still there, looking at your toes saying who owe you what, what you're worth, what you should've got....if you're so angry, hack the person dead for christs sakes! Quit your bellyaching and GET WHAT YOU WANT!
Ha...easier said than done, BUT we're living life. Nothing's impossible, and you really never know who out there can help you out! Get up and move!!!!!!
Which then, we have to confront money problems....Problem =_=+ | | |
| I asked my friend, and she said in Singapore, homosexuals are not allowed to do "indecent activities" in public. What she knows is kissing and having sex, but not sure if holding hands and hugging means "indecent activities".
On the other hand, oral/anal sex and "DIY" (public or private) is also illegal in Singapore.
So that's very strict...but considering you can't even chew gum, maybe these laws are expected?
On the china part, it seems anal sex is not allowed in china (Oh! Didn't know that!). I'm not sure about "indecent activities" and oral sex....but for sure is Marriage is no way.
I think relatively speaking, it would seem that Singapore's law is more strict than China's (if they are really used).
Learnt a lot today ^^ | | |
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